Leagues across the globe are gripped with mayhem. Owners have input launch codes to nuke their rosters. Managers everywhere are doing their best Will Levis impersonation at their local Walmarts. The Field Surveillance Department can barely keep up with the flood of reports:

The South Harmon Agency has more high-tier operatives gathering intel than ever before. Be sure to keep your channel open and collect data from the various sources as it comes in. In terms of FAAB bidding, review your league’s previous waiver behavior to navigate the wire best. The waiver wire will become more bare as the season continues, especially in best ball formats.

The stir of infected winds howled as the Space Marine labored through the trenches. Once a place of deafening destruction and incessant frenzy was now hollow with mumbled groans and subdued anguish. The marine’s armor sunk deep into the blackened mud as he kneeled beside one of his comrades. The stricken soldier was immobile, albeit the frequent shudders of mind-numbing pain, often progressing into convulsions of indescribable agony. The fallen soldier’s skin was translucent and pale, as fragile as dead, soiled leaves. His body was covered with pockets of sunken yellowed sores. His milk-white eyes rolled restlessly as he clung to life until his labored breath came to an abrupt standstill. 

Doubt. Remorse. Fear. These emotions are held back through relentless training and devotion to the Imperium. But in a soldier’s final breaths, the dam they built can come crashing down, flooding their minds with despair. These brief moments of anguish perpetuate into an eternity of torment as the Sea of Chaos sweeps away their souls into the WoRP. Once a peaceful realm, millennia of war and evil have corrupted the WoRP dimension into a hellish landscape, with each new resident being more vile than the previous.

Joe’s head jerked back and forth as he took in sharp breaths. His eyes began to well up as he fearfully checked his surroundings.

“Not an easy thing to have the curtain pulled back. At least you made it back, not everyone does.” Listin said patting Joe on the back. “Tell me, how many did you see? One? Two of them?”

“What?! Umm, I saw five,” Joe said, gathering his breath. “Maybe six. I don’t know what the last thing I saw was.”

Listin’s bloodshot eyes looked at Joe inquisitively, “Really?” He took a swig of his beer, flexing his temples and gritting his teeth. “Joe, help me with something. If I wanted to create Dynasty Startup Rankings for the 2024 season, how would YOU PERSONALLY go about that?”

Joe covered his face first with a blanket, then a pillow, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not fall asleep. Turning over in bed, he stared at the soft pink glow that emanated from Sauron’s night light. The wheel squeaked as the hamster ran round and round in his cardio contraption. No matter what Joe did, Mary was all he thought about.

“HI THERE!” the girl replied. 

Her voice pushed Joe’s heart over a cliff. Oh shit, there’s a girl living in my pipe! SHE MUST BE TINY! Joe scrambled for a witty first impression, but his mind was as still as a statue, leaving his mouth open in no man’s land. 

Joe slept contently in his bed as a rock clinked and clacked its way down the air supply pipe before smacking him right between the eyes. “What the FRICK!” he exclaimed rubbing his forehead. Picking up the rock he remained motionless as he squinted into the pitch-black pipe. “It’s a BEAUTI-FUL MORN-ING! Ahhhh! I think I’ll stay inside for a while!” Jim shouted as he kicked in his son’s bedroom door. 

Once a year, the nation of dynasty managers gather together to pay tribute and offer up sacrifices in hopes of a fruitful season for their rosters. At the center of this festival looms an overwhelming structure. The marble facade boasts a colonnade design that towers high into the sky, reflecting brilliantly in the sunlight. At the precipice of the entrance, you take a deep breath… and then you are plunged into a world of chaos. Welcome to the Rookie Stock Exchange.

It all began with the forging of YouTube. Some channels were given to the Film Scouts; discerning, headstrong, and admired above all others. Other channels, to the Data Lords, great miners of analytics and craftsmen of regression tables. And the rest were gifted to the race of Content Creators, who above all else desire Underdog sponsorships. One by one, they released videos on the 2024 Rookie class, fighting over Drake Maye, ranking the Big 3, and thumbnail supremacy.

As a powerful ancient order, the Scouts’ influence on steering NFL franchises can not be measured due to their shadow of secrecy. Carefully analyzing thousands of prospects across hundreds of schools, they meticulously develop a network of informants that spans the entire world of football. Being worthy of such responsibility requires great sacrifice and time discipline. For nine months straight and 16 hours a day, scouts dedicate themselves to travel and gathering intel, enduring great monotony and isolation. It is arguably the most difficult and important position in the NFL. Driving this group is one simple maxim they live by: We don't hope, we plan. And their plans are measured over many years in case their prospects fail their promise. Their power comes from the ability to breach space and time as they look to the past to help their organizations into a better future. 

The player referred to as “BYU” is 4-star recruit Makea “Puka” Nacua out of Orem High School in Utah. He was ranked as the 8th WR in the nation and the 48th overall player after setting a multitude of Utah and national records in high school. He received offers from Oregon, UCLA, USC, and Utah to play college football, but ultimately accepted an offer to become a Washington Huskie. Puka played in the first eight games of his freshman season, catching seven passes for 168 yards and 2 TDs before breaking his foot. The following year he managed nine receptions for 151 yards and 1 TD in three games during a COVID-shortened 2020 season. After two limited seasons at Washington, Puka moved back to his hometown Provo to support his mother and family when his grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. In his first season as a Cougar, Nacua caught 43 passes for 805 yards and six touchdowns, including four 100-yard games, and 148 yards on the ground at 10.6 yards per carry. He was 2nd in the FBS with 3.44 yards per route run, 61% of his yards were on receptions 20+ yards downfield, and he was 9th in the FBS with a 16.7 average depth of target. In his final year, Puka led BYU with 65 receptions for 625 receiving yards and five touchdowns, with an additional 25 carries for 209 yards and five TDs, despite being limited by a knee injury. Diving deeper into his analytical profile, Puka was 4th in the 2023 WR Draft Class with 15.93 PPG (Tank Dell was 1st, 19.13), 1st in targets per route run at 37.9%, and he dominated for multiple years of his collegiate career. So how does a prospect like him fall to the 42nd pick in the 5th round?

It has long been mankind's dream to reach the distant lights in the night sky. This pioneering mindset has been the banner call of one agency in the fantasy space - The National Analytics and Strategy Administration. With breakthroughs in optimal roster construction, data analysis, and player evaluations, the brightest dynasty scientists and engineers are closer now to answering the most pondered questions about the fantasy cosmos. 

Late is the hour and waning are the moments you have left before the Sandman comes to take you away. You open your Sleeper App with just enough time to tuck in each of your rosters for bedtime, looking at each of your players with pride and joy. Overwhelmed with the worry of losing everything you fought so hard to build, you contemplate on how to best protect them. From the crack of the doorway, you whisper to yourself, “Perhaps there’s a wee bit of luck left for me to squeeze out of today. I’ll send a trade to elevate my squad to new heights and secure my future!”

What is the most important asset in fantasy football? Elite quarterbacks? A treasure trove of picks? Or maybe it's powerful tools and analytics? That would make sense if we were robots or viewed fantasy as purely transactional, but there are aspects of fantasy football that are far more organic. In leagues that allow you to trade, your most important commodity is relational capital. In today’s leagues, trading requires more than specialized knowledge, salesmanship, or waiting for a fish to come to bite your hook. If you want more managers to dine at your table, you need to be a hospitable host.